I believe God wants more for you than survival, more than struggling through to another day. At times in my life I have thought this only a deluded dream, but God promises us abundant life, freedom from bondage.
The spelling of ‘rekhast’ is a play on my name, Kathy HASTelow, and represents the sharing of my own recasting. You are not alone. I may not have experienced all that you have, but I have a spark of hope which refuses to die. I believe that with God, anyone can recast their life into a fullness they have only dreamed of.
I spent my adolescence trying to work out what was wrong with me that I was depressed and suicidal. The next ten years included self-harm and disordered eating in futile attempts to control my anxiety, panic attacks, and chronic pain, until after my first child was born. I decided she needed a better mother than I was capable of being at the time, she deserved better and more than I could ever give her, but it was up to me to do my best.
So, I dug deep into myself, I burrowed into God, and began to recast my life. I didn’t want to continue living as a two-dimensional shell, a caricature of a person, not when God promised more was available. I craved the fullness and fulfillment that I had dreamed of, for myself, and also for others. Since my first child’s birth, I have studied Psychology, currently working on my PhD, to help this happen.
God is making everything in my life new, reworked from the old, like an old jersey being unraveled and reknitted into a new creation, or like the remolding of a ceramic pot, or metal or plastic being melted down and recast.
It hasn’t been an easy process, deconstruction is a painful process, and reconstruction is a slow and sometimes tedious rebuilding, with tender new growth making you feel vulnerable and the discomfort of being reformed into a new shape. And it is all by no means finished.
I used to fear my fragileness, but now I can see that the holes give me strength to stand, like a Roman aqueduct made by stacking arches to let through the wind and wild, and remain standing through the ages. It is my flaws and my experiences of darkness which are becoming my strengths. It is my brokenness which best lets in the light. It is in my softness and brokenheartedness where my hope can meet others.
Have you ever gone to the grocer and sought out the bruised and battered fruit? And then insisted on paying full price, even when the grocer offers you a discount? No? Well that’s what God does with us, because God can see the beauty and strength in our fragileness, the sweetness that comes from bruising. When we are willing to unravel because we know we are safe in God’s hands, and can trust God’s works, then God can knit us back together, with the Holy Spirit, into a new creation.
This comes from knowing who God says we are, who we were made to be, who Christ frees us to be. From that position, we are freed to walk and grow into the fullness God promises. I believe we stand on holy ground, right where we are, so this the perfect place to meet with God and get started.
Come, join me on the journey into the fullness of who you were made to be, who you dream of being, and who you ARE.