Finding the start again

I spent some time in prayer last night, a lot simply without words, just a groping after God. A question rising from the depths around why I’m finding writing about my faith so difficult at the moment, why it all just comes out stilted and stale.

I have been journalling, writing for myself, writing through things for myself, but not worth others reading, not enough sense-making to share with anyone else. But I couldn’t figure out why, when in the past I have had many times when it flows so freely from my pen.

I think it was late last night as I was drifting off to sleep when God answered me, bringing to mind recent reading about learning to preach, how the first step is to seek God for direction on what to share, what to speak of.

Somehow this seems so obvious for speaking, yet unthought of for my writing and blogging. I have been struggling to write even a single post in the last almost month, not because school holidays and event have made life more chaotic than normal, but simply because I haven’t stopped and asked God what to write.

This is a good reminder for me, a reminder that this too is a work for God, not just my own journalling and sense-making. It is a reminder once again, that God wants to speak through my voice on the page (or screen), not just my spoken words. And it is this writing that is practice for future speaking, future writing, it is practice of stopping and listening to God and then crafting a message under God’s direction.

It seems so simple and obvious, but I lost some flow late last year, growing rigid as I tried to move away from suicide. So now I’m relearning to soften and be responsive to movement of the Spirit.

I have been spending time just soaking, just drawing close without any agenda.

And it has been good.

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