I believe that in order to let go, first we must go in and remember. I believe that before we can move forward, we must be able to see and remember where we have come from.
Memories have laid heavily on me this week, memories of good times I want to remember and memories of bad times I shouldn’t have let myself forget. We cannot move forward if we cannot remember what we do not want to repeat. And we cannot move forward if we cannot remember the good times and then imagine more of them or new experiences which evoke these good feelings – how else do we know what we are moving towards?
I believe that the second key to transformation and healing, after grounding and calming the nervous system, is Awareness. Yes, awareness in the moment of our actions, but also awareness of our past patterns, lest we repeat them endlessly.
And I know how painful remembering can be. The last two weeks have been a flood of tears. Collected moments have added up to hours of howling. There is much grief in remembering some things.
But there is also hope.
And so I choose to remember.
And though tears be streaming and knees be knocking, I choose to heal, I choose to step forward, I choose to hope.
May you choose as well.
May you remember yourself forward.
I go days without seeing the moon. So much cloud this last week, clear skies at the wrong times, long nights spent sleeping or lost in thought. And yet the moon is there. Always. Even when we don’t see her, when we forget to look.
What have you forgotten? What has it been so long since you remembered? What have you gotten so used to avoiding or numbing or … that you don’t even remember that you are doing it, let alone why?
To you dare remember? Do you dare to open, once again, to the pain you have forgotten? to the dreams you haven’t realised?
What veils have you allowed to cloud your mind? What stories have you told yourself, over and over until you couldn’t believe anything else? “This is just the way it is.” “Things like that aren’t for people like me.” “It’s impossible; there’s no point.”
We remember in order to move forward. Re-membering ourselves so that forward motion is possible. We are dis-membered without our pasts, limbless, staggering, bleeding out.
What have you forgotten?
What hope is it time to breathe life back into?
What childhood dream is it time to play in?
What intuitions did you brush off and forget?
When we choose not to remember, we hobble and bind our intuition. We cut off our ability to trust ourselves if we do not allow ourselves to hold all the information within us.
Re-membering is an act of bringing ourselves back together – gifting our fullness back to ourselves.
Where have you allowed yourself to forget?
It is not always obvious when a memory is missing. Sometimes you start telling a story and suddenly a piece just isn’t there, a word won’t come out – despite being on the tip of your tongue. But other times it is like a mist of veil slowly creeps in and covers them, and we do not miss them because we do not go looking. Until one day, if ever, we realise there is a whole valley we cannot see from our window, there is a whole river which used to run through our lives, vanished without a sound.
In our inattention, we allow our being to be stolen away, small piece by piece.
These is a culture on this earth where they remember by dismembering. When someone dear to you dies – a husband, a brother, a best friend – they bind around their little finger above the last knuckle so tight that the last part of the finger dies and falls off. Part of them, too, is missing, with their loved on gone.
What parts of yourself have you cut off?
Perhaps you were told a childhood dream wasn’t possible – or practical – ant to you haven’t gone near it ever since. But that has meant you have not dances, or drawn, or penned a poem, or sung into the wind, in decades.
Do you remember the joy and delight it would give you, before you were taught to look at it through the eyes of capitalism and “practicality”?
Since when is joy not practical, not an essential part of life?
What is it not safe to remember?
What are you not remembering in order to keep yourself safe? Which part of your self is kept safe in doing that? (is it working?)
What are the good things you remember, that spur you on to more and better?
What are the feelings which surround these memories?
You are worthy of fullness.
Your future is worth remembering for.
Journaling prompts to explore deeper are usually available for FREE over at: https://www.patreon.com/being_rekhast
This week they are here, scattered through my writing. There are downloadable images, including one all ready for using on your phone, and usually printable journaling booklet available to patrons.
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