Original photo by Tim Marshall.
I see you, living by the patterns set down long ago, numb and blind to where they have long been pinching you.
I see you, waking up, grieving, hoping, burdened by just how much work there is to do.
You are more than your patterning. You are worth the effort.
You are worth it.
You are enough.
You are more than your patterning.
Once you are awake, you cannot go back to sleep.
Do you feel it, that growing awareness?
The last few weeks, months, year, I have had a growing awareness of my own avoidance, my own patterns of behaviour which are not serving me any longer. From a history of dissociation, I’ve come to the point where I watch myself doing all the things to avoid That One.
You know when you should be studying for a test, but all of a sudden the dusting which hasn’t needed doing for months Must get done first, and maybe that cupboard needs sorting too? I’ve watched myself go on these little spins before finally, finally! coming back and doing The Thing.
And it’s not as simple as telling yourself to ‘just do the thing’ would make it seem. There are some very real feelings involved. Because when you are avoiding The Task, you are also avoiding The Feelings. Feelings that might be scary, overwhelming, painful, unwanted. Without awareness, without compassionate awareness, these feelings cannot be tended to.
And so these last few weeks, months, year of growing awareness have been drawing me towards making a commitment to stop avoiding. And it is time for me to stop.
I have been so resistant. It is far more comfortable to stay asleep and unaware. And yet…
Once you are awake, you cannot go back to sleep.
We harm ourselves, in our ignorance. We prevent our own healing, our own fullness.
What is it time for, for you?
Because you are worth the commitment.
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